thoughts unedited

Prioritization….never thought much about this word till recently, cos i never had to prioritize things in my life. I have always done the talking….be it for my gang, my parents or in any walk of my life. Never kept myself silent and never let life do the talking. For the first time in my life, I have become silent. I am listening to life, listening to what people around me are saying, and learning the all important lessons of life, and last but not the least am learning the need for prioritization in my life.

I never beleived in the concepts of seggregation, regulated attention to people, cos i never had the need to do that ;). But of late, I am gauging its importance. I am known for my friendy attitude, have always been associated to be a person who is always in a group, never solitary, never serene. I always gave in uncondtional attention, never bothered how people reacted back to me, never really cared. Was hurt a number of times as i did not get back even the tenth of the attention I gave to them, but that never really pained me much, it was just a prick, not a stab. But when u give a person the utmost of importance, place them right behind ur parents in importance, but dont get the minimum importance u deserve,I know it i painful, but the fact of the matter is that it is time to do some thinking.

I always beleived I was a petty and small person in this huge world, but this visit to India changed that impression in me. The love people have for me, the craving my friends have for me and to top it all the unconditional affection that my parents have, has instilled a new kind of self importance in me. I now know how important my life is, not just for me, but for all the people around me.

There are various instances in life when u have to choose among people, u have to choose to keep a group of people happy at the expense of another group. In the past few days I was forced to take one such decision, I had to take a stand which put my friendship with my close friends at stake…..all this, for a single person. I did it without a single thought or ponder, cause i knew about that person’s importance in my life, though i always had the guilt concious that I was fooling my close pals. But of late some more instances have put me to thought….am i beeing too crazy, or am i beeing to skeptical, i dont know….but whats done is done. I avoided meetings, skipped touring sessions, and waited like crazy beside the phone…all for a single call…which never really came.

I was talking about prioritizing people, yes i guess every one need to prioritize his time to the people around him based on his relation, resiprocation and affection. I guess I am failing myself in this. I seriously am considering a rethinking session, a session which will put off the guilt in me and atleast make me feel less dejected.
Bottom line: like somebody, adore sombody, think about somebody…..but not at the expense of people who adore you, think about you and like you…..