thoughts unedited

Solitary…thats what I am right now….After a month long stint of being with my pride of lions back in my homeland….I am back to the snowey desert. Life has taken a rapid U for me. Not just because I am far away from my friends and parents, but also I have a feeling that i have nobody beside me…..no soul to stir my soul, no soul to pep me up…no one to take my blues off. My roomates dont see a hint of pain in me, my parents think I am perfectly back to being myself…my friends think that being the stone hearted person I am …I must have been back to my elements, without a hint of insecurity. But the fact of the matter is that 9000 miles away….I am all alone….all alone.

I want to scream back to my friends, beg my parents to take me back…But I know I wont do that. Its not homesickness, its not lonelyness…its something else….something that is tearing me down…something that is brusing me heavily….The fear of failure. I have never conclusively failed…..not complete conclusively atleast. But now I am at the brink of a situation, where I would either come out beaming or come out completely shattered. I long for a hand held out to hold me, a pair of arms waiting for embrace me, anyone…any of my friends would do….but i need it….cos I cant just take this all alone….cant take this all alone….

I acted off pretty well for 1 whole month…masked my emotions excellently for a long period of time….but when the judgement time comes, u need someone to hold u down…i am waiting for that….
And for any of my friends who chance upon reading this….wanna say one thing….guys…am sorry for the day….I dont hate India….dont hate it one bit….i might fake it….but the tear that runs down my cheek, wouldnt lie… For me India is stalwartz, my parents…my relatives…and everything else…so how can I hate it…..It was just the frustration acting off on me….Ya there are somethings that i hate…and would hate till there is breath in my lungs and beat in my heart….cos those things hold the potential of changing my life….permanently…